Anxiety Disorders : Generalized & Separation

Today, I thought I would uncover something that deeply effects my life, and many others' in greater depth.

I have a generalized anxiety disorder that makes it hard for me to function as a normal teenager. I first realized it in pre-school, but it started to get worse around 1st grade. Sadly, I was not diagnosed until I was 12 years of age and didn't start seeking serious help until age 14.

"What is generalized anxiety disorder?", you may ask. Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by chronic anxiety, exaggerated worry and tension, even when there is little or nothing to provoke it. People with GAD can't seem to shake their concerns. Their worries are accompanied by physical symptoms, especially fatigue, headaches, muscle tension, muscle aches, difficulty swallowing, trembling, twitching, irritability, sweating, and hot flashes. (-NIMH)

I rarely get panic attacks these days, but had one every day for several months during 6th grade because of the bullying I went through at school and separation anxiety from my parents.

I was adopted at six weeks old and from that has resulted separation anxiety. In the past, this caused me to act bossy and clingy towards friends, parents, and the like.

"What is separation anxiety disorder?" Separation Anxiety Disorder (SAD) is a psychological condition in which an individual experiences excessive anxiety regarding separation from home or from people to whom the individual has a strong emotional attachment (like a father and mother). It becomes a disorder when the separation reaction becomes strong enough to impair people's ability to conduct their day to day lives and relationships (-WIKI)

My original SAD transformed into GAD later in life, and my fear gave up on the grip that was holding onto my parents, and began to focus more on everything around me.

Today, I have changed a lot, built a stable relationship with the important people in my life, and gained confidence in myself. However, there are still issues and I seek therapy to advise me.

Think of anxiety this way: A clam in a shell. The clam needs its shell to survive, and everything outside the shell is scary.

I'm the clam, and I'll surely learn how to live outside my shell with time.

Amicas La Italiano

(Photo: WeHeartIt)

I went out for a normal, run-of-the-mill get-together with my close friend Emily.

We ate at a delicious Italian restaurant and got caprese sandwiches, along with espresso gelato. Mm-mm!

As Emily and I were munching away, we were also debating taking part in Running Start, which is a Washington program for high schoolers who would like some College course experience. You use your high school as your main way of earning credits, but go to your local College for a few others. Because Emily and I don't go to the same high school, this would give us an opportunity to learn and grow together.

It's times like these where I can honestly say I'm lucky to have such a great friend.

Intimates from Charlotte Russe

I like my intimates to be in satins, laces, cottons, and nylons. I like to look good, but keep it comfortable at the same time. I have to say I'm not a Victoria's Secret supporter. I think they have rude staff and overly pricey items (too bad because their dog mascot is sooo cute!). I either like Macy's, Target, Charlotte Russe, or JCPenney's lingerie.

Nothing super out of my price range.

I found a deliciously tempting sale the other day while I was at the mall scamming through Charlotte Russe's selection.

You can get 5 pairs of panties for $10, along with most all of their regular bras costing $7 pc, and panties around $3-5.

I really like these Pin Dot Mesh Ruffled Bras. They are affordable ($7) and gorgeous prints!

While I was there, I picked up a Lace Balconet Push-up Bra ($7) and threw in a somewhat-matching black boyshort that was about 3 bucks. I absolutely love this bra/pantie set because of the soft material (which of course, is 90% nylon) and seductive look.

I'm pretty positive that the $10 sale goes on year-round, so if you're bored, go stop by and have a look! You won't be disappointed.

Fireworks Novelty

Fireworks is a novelty store inside the Southcenter Westfield shopping mall in Seattle, WA. I visited and found a few items I wanted to share with you.



Furnace Star Light: This beautifully designed light is made out of handmade paper and cellophane, and measures approx. 14" across x 4" deep. It is sure to add spark to any room: kitchen, dining, living, and bedroom. It sells for $27.

USB Flower Hub: Add a flower box to your Windows... or Mac, or Linix. Each tulip holds a USB port to plug in your various electronics! There is a USB connection piece that attaches to your computer. It sells for $21.


Sharp-End Pup Pencil Sharpener: This stylishly disturbing pencil sharpener, "Sharp-end" comes in the shape of both cats, and dogs, as well as various colors, that will leave your teachers and co-workers debating a mental institution leave for you! $17.50.

Funky Computer Keys: In a wide variety of explicit and comic remarks, the "Oh shit", "Crap!", "Damn it", "X%&#!" keys add spice to any attachable keyboard and sell for $3.75 pc.


Beatles Lamp in a Box: Have a Fab Four fan in your life? You can purchase the shade for $29, or the complete lamp for $79. Quite pricey, but long-lasting.

Scavenging Seattle

One of the most awful things about our town is the restriction of teen activities: we have one mall with limited stores, a few downtown parks, and maybe three decent stores on the downtown strip. Due to this layout, Starbucks has become me and my friends' #1 hangout spot!

I thought it was time to take a break from our quaint, secluded town and invite a friend Emily to Seattle, WA... do a little shopping, sight-seeing and what not.

We ate at The Cheesecake Factory, visited downtown square and shops, got a drink at the first Starbucks ever created (which by the way had a HUGE line of anticipating people), checked out Pike Place Market, and road the monorail to the Westfield mall.

It felt good to get away, if only for a short while. I have started a "Best Places in Seattle" list that can be found here. Enjoy!

Both Sides Now

Roes and floes of angel hair, and ice cream castles in the air, and feathered canyons everywhere.. I've looked at clouds that way, but now they only block the sun, they rain and they snow on everyone! So many things I would've done... but clouds got in my way. I've looked at clouds from both sides now! From up and down, and still somehow.. it's cloud illusions I recall. I really don't know clouds.. at all.

Moons and Junes, and Ferris wheels. The dizzy, dancing way that you feel! As every fairytale comes real... I've looked at love that way, but now, it's just another show! And you leave 'em laughing when you go... and if you can.. don't let them know... don't give yourself away. I've looked at love from both sides now! From give and take.. and still somehow.. it's love's illusions that I recall. I really don't know love.. I really don't know love at all.

Tears and fears.. and feelin' proud to say "I love you" right out loud! Dreams, and schemes, and circus crowds.. I've looked at life that way. Oh but now, old friends... they're acting strange. They shake their heads and they tell me that I've changed. Well, something's lost and something's gained in living everyday! Oh, I've looked at life from both sides now! From win and lose.. and still somehow.. it's life's illusions I recall. I really don't know life at all!

It's life's illusions... that I recall. I really don't know life... I really don't know life at all.
♥

-song by Joni Mitchell, a great inspiration of mine.

Coffee and Recollection

(me, left : Mali, right)

Today I spent a couple hours downtown at the lake with my close friend Mali. We discussed our first kisses, first crushes and current lovesick troubles. She is a great friend to have with me during these highs and lows of our teenage lives.




















The hardest part is letting go of someone you grew up with; someone you thought you'd be with forever. The hardest part is turning around and noticing that they are no longer there to catch you if you fall. Oh, if life were only so much simpler!

I'd be in his arms. I'd be kissing him every night. I'd be holding onto him in the rain storm.

A Cold, Dewy Morning

(this blog post contains sexually explicit content)

The smiles that were shared, the laughter that was exchanged. The way his hands traveled up my elastic shirt and back down again. The soft touch of his fingertips on my bare skin, the passionate kiss of his tender lips on mine, 'round and 'round upon a blanket of forever.

This moment will not last forever, I know. Do not tell me to open my eyes. As I watch him walk away, down the gravely path of resistance, I bid farewell. Farewell to the life I'll never see. It was sweet, if only for a cold, dewy morning.

Sixteen and Savvy

As I am nearing my 16th birthday, I'm coming up with a list of things that are soon to change in my life, and things I wish to improve as I reach my next age milestone.

a). I will begin driving lessons and getting my permit. Along with this transition, I will be getting my own car. This means I will be out washing down my car on the hot summer days of 2010, and getting my own freedom to spend.

b). I will hopefully be scoring a position in a well paying job (along with my volunteer job at the local library) this summer, and with that transition comes more responsibility, longer shifts, and a more busier schedule.

c). In order to be a healthy and happy teenager, I have begun developing a regular exercise regimen consisting of light yoga, strength training and aerobics/jogging. Even though exercise can help, this also means constricting my diet of most junky foods. Feels great so far and by summer hopefully I'll look great in a bikini (yeaaah, right)!

d). I have done recent tests with a licensed psychotherapist to determine whether my anxiety is a threat to myself, and if an ADD level can be discovered within my conflicts with Math and attention. I will be taking more rigorous therapy and/or medication to help bring my stats back to normal.